Toronto McK



Toronto McK is not from the city of Toronto, nor is he associated with the Fleetwoods and their ever-reducing Macs. He is also not known to many, and those who do know of him don't really know him.

He is a renowned substitute violinist for the Abercrombie Metropolitan Shopping Mart of Peru, and in his spare time he is often seen concocting escape plans and mixing potions in his wooden cauldron at the bottom of the garden.


It is a little known fact that every fourth Tuesday of the second month in the alphabet calendar, he sings a song only he knows and has never heard. The lyrics start with a word and end with a picture, and the picture begins with the letter you received in the post this morning.

Sometimes, Toronto is often mistaken for a human known as Jonathon Kraven, and this can cause mild confusion at local garden parties and such like. Some say it’s due to them both having the same penis size, length, girth, birth, colour, levels of semen per ejaculation measured by litres, and growth level. Always a knower, never a grower, sometimes a boa constrictor.

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Toronto doesn’t have many friends. He does, however, have many boxes, and these boxes are often used for sexual activities, for example: fucking, sucking and rimming.

Should you stumble upon Toronto and his subpar art, it would be advisable to heed advice from your local teacher and/or vegan butcher, and spit in his face.

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His birthday is 7th May, as for the year he was born, that is still unknown. The nearby parish has suggested 1947, but we’ve yet to see the proof. 1947 could make sense though, as 1+9 is 10, and 4+7 is 11. Add 10 to 11 and you get 21. Times 21 x 2, then add 5, and you get 47. Then with the 47, try adding 3 or 4, then divide by the age you had your first wank. If you’ve done this correctly you’ll have 1946 which is close enough!